Wolf Under Willow
by Marigold Winters
Summary: Nobody *intends* on falling in love. Neither did Claire. It happened though. She can't deny it. The only problem? He's in love with someone else. So... what now? Isn't that the million-bloody-dollar question. Jacob/Oc T for language.


**A/N;I own Claire and I own whatever you fail to recognize. Stephanie Meyer gets the rest of the credit. I do not claim any ownership over her books.**

**Though it worries me a little bit how 'Jacobssessed' I'm becoming. Hmmm…**

**~Mari**

* * *

**_Prologue;_**

Claire stared at the rain-drenched boy in front of her, chest heaving hard, fists clenched and eyes wide. He opened his mouth once, closed it again. It was his second aborted attempt, and it tore at her to see him like this.

But what tore at her more? Was the fact that even through all this, even after a year- a solid year- of friendship and trust and, eventually, this 'thing' that had grown between them- he would still choose her.

And Claire would always be second.

When Jacob loved, he loved intensely. It burned like fire and consumed both himself and the person he loved. She felt it sometimes. She felt it when he stared at her and took her hand and made her feel… god she couldn't describe it. And maybe that was the point. That being loved by Jacob was less about 'words'.

She could almost laugh. He made her _feel_. That was what it was. And when they were together she felt so much in such a short space of time that it overwhelmed her at times.

"I love you, you know." Claire said, defeated, staring at the grass and holding back tears. And that was the problem. She hadn't meant to. God- it was as far from a conscious decision as you could get! She'd been so thorough, she didn't… shit. She didn't want to love him.

But she did.

He took a step forward, eyes twisted in pain so complete she almost couldn't breath. And she knew it was pain on her behalf. Because he wouldn't say it back. Couldn't say it back.

And she knew that. But it hurt like a fucking sonafabitch. And she didn't know how to make it better. It was one of those times when she wished her heart had an 'off' button. So when it screwed up and loved people it wasn't supposed to love, she wouldn't feel broken like this.

"It's okay." She smiled crookedly when she saw him open his mouth soundlessly again. "You don't have to say it back. I just want you to know."

And his arms were around her then. His freakishly warm body encompassing hers and lending a burning heat that swallowed her completely. She wrapped her arms tentatively around his back, then just gave in and held him hard and long, burying her face in his strong chest one last time and… remembering. They stayed like that until finally she had to let go, or she never would.

"I do love you Claire. I do." He murmured softly as she pulled away, almost reaching to grab her to him again, but she stepped back, very deliberately leaving space between them.

"Just not the way I want you to." She stated the truth quietly. It was such a strange place to be in. Being quiet and somber and close to tears. With Jacob?

There was so much about this fucking scene that was not right. She couldn't deal with it; if she broke Jacob, her best friend, she would hate herself forever.

"Hey Jake, could you do me a favor?"

He looked up earnestly, eyes glistening. And fuck, she hoped that was rain.

"Just, can you…" She closed her eyes and had to speak around the lump which formed. But god it felt like she was suffocating herself. Claire steeled herself. It was better than any of the other options she'd come up with. And this way... he wouldn't feel guilty.

"Claire?" His voice was just this side of hoarse. The muscles in his jaw jumped, he was growing more upset. Hands fisted.

"Jake…Jacob." She hadn't used his actual name in… fuck knows how long it had been. It wasn't right, and she knew he felt it too. "Jacob," She tried again. Getting used to it. "I'm going… I'm going to walk away right now. And…and please don't follow m-me." She took a breath.

Her voice was breaking.

"I'm going to lose your number." She forced herself to continue. "And I've given your stuff to Billy already. Don't chase me anymore, okay? I don't think…fuck I can't. I won't be able to walk away again."

She looked at him with pleading eyes and found him staring at her with that open, vulnerable expression that broke just one more piece of her. There wasn't much left to fucking break.

His scent, warm and woodsy and vaguely cinnamon barely clung to her skin. She wrapped her arms around herself to keep it in.

"I guess I'll be seeing you around Jacob Black." She nodded once then turned around and didn't even get two steps before tears became sobs and she was running. Not that jogging shit she pulled in Phys Ed. Actual lung burning, cramp inducing sprinting. Not that he couldn't catch her if he really wanted to, but she knew he wouldn't follow. Not after she asked him not to.

Some part of her hoped he would, though. Hoped he would run after her and catch her and do all that heroic, romantic bull that she wrote about. But he wasn't her knight-in-shining-fucking armor because that person didn't exist.

That guy… never existed. And didn't it hurt like fuck to admit that. He was just Jacob. He had his secrets and his quirks and those days where he could be the most annoying pick this side of the earth, and she loved them all. Every annoying habit, every completely retarded thing he'd ever said to her.

'He loves her.'

That was all that mattered though. And if she really loved him, she wouldn't stand in the way of that. She helped fix him after that girl had broken him, true but that didn't make him hers. No matter how much she wanted him to. And fuck, she couldn't breathe.


End file.
